I'm a lot like you

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 23:58:27 GMT

I was watching Star Wars Episode III last night and I was terrified at how similar to Twilight it was. The love scene dialog is just as painfully stupid and overbearing, and Robert Pattinson and Hayden Christensen actually look pretty similar. I wish Twilight had echoed Star Wars in that the older mentor character chops off all of the male protagonist's limbs with a laser sword, but oh well.

Also, and this has always bothered me, I am sick of spinning cuts in sword fights. My suspension of disbelief does not work well enough to let me think that a Jedi or a trained assassin or a Shaolin warrior wouldn't see the obvious opening created by the back being turned and simply stabbing them right through or that one of those people would ever attempt a spin move in the first place.

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 04:49:29 GMT

Why does my livejournal cookie die around three times a day? It's not like logging in over and over again inconveniences me that greatly but still.

The new Between the Buried and Me is awesome. I guess the general consensus was that it wasn't as good as Colors, but I like it more than Colors. How about the string sections, or the wonky piano line in Fossil Genera, or the full on drum solo in Swim to the Moon? I really hope that eventually they become like the metal version of Capillary Action with lots of clean vocals and constant weirdo style shifts.

By the way, So Embarrassed by Capillary Action is one of the most brilliantly insane albums I've ever heard.

Oh and PLANTS VS. ZOMBIES Y'ALL. I can't stop playing it. I love it so much. Especially the survival modes that allow me to build up giant plant armies with gatling pea plants that shoot fire peas and watermelon catapults. And that's not even mentioning the music video you get for completing the game, which is probably better than Still Alive.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 07:56:58 GMT

I am totally in love with Flight of the Conchords' Carol Brown. And Ft. Lauderdale by Cheap Girls.

I am seeing forgetters tomorrow. I am going to actually meet Blake motherfucking Schwarzenbach. At a house show.

Poor livejournal huh? Now that everyone can get whatever's in their head out in a sentence or two on facebook or twitter, not many people like this place anymore. I do love it as a repository for whatever interviews I end up doing though, it saves automatically while I transcribe which is wonderful.

I am in a band again. I think we'll rock pretty hard if I can whip our other guitar player into shape. Dude needs help.

Eclipse is so bad. Not entirely terrible, some parts are at least barely interesting, but Meyer has this thing she loves to do where she uses a word she thinks is fancy and then explains exactly what that word means in an emdash following the word. I hate it so much.

I am, totally.

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 06:05:56 GMT

We're Getting a Divorce, You Keep the Diner by The Gaslight Anthem

Night of the Living Dead by the Misfits

Zombie Apocalypse by Kirby Krackle

Zombies by the Lillingtons

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 03:55:32 GMT

Honestly, the best possible gay rights commercial would probably just be however long it takes for Neil Patrick Harris to say "You wanna stop me from getting married?" Seriously, everyone loves the guy.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 06:14:39 GMT

Ninja god damn mother fucking Assassin.

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 09:30:22 GMT

i've never been as upset with myself as i am right now. i quit being mean to myself forever, no longer will i take out my own frustrations on me. I will deal with them in a healthy, rational manner.

Tim Interviews FRANK TURNER!

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 01:54:21 GMT

Today I got to talk to former Million Dead singer/current singer-songwriter/ladies man/British Guy Frank Turner! Here's what went down!

Frank Turner: 'Allo!
Me: Hello, is this Frank?
FT: Yeah.
Me: Well this is Tim from Tigerweekly, how are you today?
FT: Good how are you man?
Me: Pretty well (I'm an English major.) Before I start, sitting in on this with me are my two friends Rachel and Taylor, who love you and your music but probably mostly you, so if you could say hi to them, they'll probably pass out and make this a little easier.
FT: What were their names?
Me: Rachel and Taylor.
FT: Oh well, hello to Rachel and Taylor!
Rachel and Taylor: giggles, squeals.

Me: I don't know if you heard that squeak just now, that was them. I was really excited for this because reading your interviews is actually what got me started on listening to you, you did an interview for Punknews and you seemed like such a cool guy I was like "That guy probably makes good music!" And you do!
FT: Well I'm glad you thought so.

Me: So the videos you've uploaded from when you toured with the Offspring look like you had the most fun that anyone's ever had, would you say that's an accurate assessment?
FT: It was a lot of fun, we were creatively editing of course, I had the power of editing the videos myself but that tour was a whole lot of fun, and it was a pretty surreal experience playing to those kinda crowds and that size of crowds and those kind of venues, but it was a blast, I had a really good time.
Me: And you got put in a ladies bathroom at one point!
FT: Indeed I did, which was an experience that answered all of those questions I've been asking myself since my childhood.

Me: Like "is there a couch?" So, Poetry of the Deed is very very good, and one of the things I've noticed is you have a lot of historical references in it, if you could explain the significance of some of those, or why you put them in there?
FT: I guess that's something to do with being a bit of a history geek, it's what I studied at university and I'm very interested and passionate about it, so yeah, conversationally, I'll use some kind of history stuff to illustrate a point or whatever, and I guess that comes through in lyrics is all.
Me: I looked up the Wat Tyler story, but I don't understand Bodiace, in Lady of Campfires you mention Bodiace and Corrina and I can't figure out.
FT: Bodiace (he corrects me from saying it like it's Italian "Bo-DIE-uh-chee," it's BAW-dihchee). Our Lady of Campfires, that song was actually a present to one of my oldest friends, she's called Corrina, she's an awesome person, she was getting married, well she is now married, and I wanted to write a song about how great I thought she was before she got married. So, one of the reasons I love her and why I think she's awesome is she's just hilarious, like when she decides she's going out, for a night out and that kind of thing, she's basically, it's almost like a military operation and the world kind of cowers, she rides forth from her house to go drinking. She does stuff like, if she's broke she says "Alright, I'm goin out to the bar and boys are gonna buy me drinks al-right." And she just goes into the bar and gets all these innocent men to buy her drinks, and it's pretty funny. So yeah, I wanted to write it to describe her and her character and celebrate her.

Me: And what is Richard Divine about, well I know what it's about but like, who is Richard Divine?
FT: Well, it's a song that was inspired by the passing of a friend of mine, but he wasn't called Richard Divine, there's kind of a long and complicated reason why I chose that name for the song. But it's difficult to write a song about that because you have to be careful not to offend anybody, you know? You have to be careful not to offend anybody when you're talking about something that personal, do you know I mean? So that song went through a number of drafts before it was ok'd, before it was acceptable, and so I could put it out in public without offending or upsetting anybody. But yeah, a friend of mine passed about a year and a half ago now, and I wanted to write a song about it.

Me: Looking at Sleep is for the Week, I think the songs seem to be more personal, like lately you've done songs with a more political bent, and is that a conscious choice or have things just been better for you?
FT: I try hard not to be overanalytical about what I do musically or lyrically, because I think if you're analytical about it it would become contrived very quickly which is something I want to avoid. I should probably mention, do you know a band called Arab Strap?
Me: No.
FT: They're a Scottish band, they broke up now but their singer is a guy called Aidan Moffat, who was my biggest, well, one of my biggest inspirations on the first album, and he writes in a very kind of painful confessional style, and I guess I've been listening to a bit more Nick Cave and Bob Dylan in recent years, and those kind of influences are how the music and the lyrics come through, but it's not a conscious choice sort of thing.

Me: I guess going further back, I knew you from your solo material before I knew about Million Dead, and then I checked out Million Dead, and then it was like really surprising to see how intense your vocals were in that, I was kind of blown away by-
FT: Oh thank you yeah, I mean I was considerably more pissed off at the world, when I was 21, than I am at 27. But actually, I wouldn't say that I'm less pissed off at it, just in a different way. I guess I believed that by shouting at the world for long enough I could change it when I was a kid. But unfortunately the world wasn't paying masses of attention to a little post-hardcore band.
Me: To Whom It May Concern may be one of the best songs I've ever heard, I really love that song so thank you for that one.
FT: Thank you!

Me: So getting onto The Revival Tour, how has that been so far?
FT: Well I've only actually done one show on it so far, but I did a bunch last year and had an absolute blast, it's one of the most fun tours I've ever done, so I'm really excited about coming back out here and doing the tour again. We played in Portland last night and it was immense, so I'm very happy to be here.
Me: Chuck Ragan did it last year right, along with you and Tom Gabel?
FT: It's Chuck's tour.
Me: This year Jim Ward from At the Drive-In is on it, and he's really good!
FT: Oh yeah and his set last night was fantastic.
Me: I'm not familiar with the other musicians though, so if you could talk about them?
FT: Well at the moment we have Audra Mae, who is sitting over there, not paying attention to me, and she's a fantastic singer and songwriter from (to her) Oklahoma? Am I right in saying? Yeah Oklahoma. And we had Austin Lucas on the show last night who's a totally incredible musician and yeah there's all these people just jumping on and off like as the tour goes on which is one of the things that makes it more interesting, having fresh blood as it were.
Me: Yeah, and the show that we'll be seeing in New Orleans has members of Zydepunks playing who are from there so that's pretty cool.
FT: I must admit I don't know them, but I'm excited about playing a show with them.
Me: Have you ever played One Eyed Jack's before?
FT: I've never been to New Orleans before. I am very much looking forward to it.
Me: Well it should be a very exciting experience for you! And One Eyed Jack's is tiny, it's very tiny.
FT: People have said it's a cool venue so I'm looking forward to it.

Me: The split you did with Austin Lucas, the Thunder Road cover was great, I really like that song and I like you doing it.
FT: Thank you.
Me: How does it feel to be a Mitch Clem drawing?
FT: It's fuckin amazing man! I'm a big Mitch Clem fan and when one of the guys at Suburban Home told me that Mitch was gonna be involved with the artwork for that I was very excited, and when it came out being a Mitch Clem drawing of me being Bruce Springsteen that's, pretty much, a wet dream for me right there.

Me: You're actually only one step removed from Bruce Springsteen now because you toured with Gaslight and he played '59 Sound with them.
FT: Yeah it was pretty damn cool. I was in Hyde Park when Bruce got onstage with the Gaslight guys and it was a pretty special day. Yeah one of the best moments ever, I think I might start crying if I ever met The Boss so, I'm not sure if that's a good idea or not.

Me: I think Bruce does a very good job of making lots of people's dreams come true, like did you happen to see his appearance on the Daily Show early this year?
FT: I can't say I have actually.
Me: Jon Stewart is basically freaking out the entire time because Bruce is such a hero to him and he's such a nice guy, it was great. And I think that was what got me to start listening to him.
FT: Oh he's the greatest songwriter of this generation, I think he's amazing.

Me: One of our friends in France asked me to ask you this question along with asking you to play in France some time.
FT: I have a Paris show coming up actually, I'm going to announce it late next week so I'm sure he will be pleased by that!
Me: He wanted me to ask what is the song that inspires you the most, if you can narrow it down to one?
FT: Wow, just one song. Uh, off the top of my head I've got to pick There She Goes, My Beautiful World by Nick Cave it's just one of the most phenomenal things I've ever heard in my life and it makes me wanna give up, in a way, it's too good! It's a song about trying to write songs and trying to find inspiration, it's just a really beautiful, really heartfelt, and really honest song, and I'm a big fan.
Me: I'm only familiar with Nick Cave as far as Murder Ballads which is one of the scariest but also coolest albums I've heard.
FT: Yeah that's a great record, that's the one I got into Nick Cave through.

Me: I think a lot of people did that probably, Where the Wild Roses Grow was pretty big for Nick Cave. Do you still live in England? I don't know why I say still but you know.
FT: Yes, but I'm on tour 350 days a year or something. I looked at my bed in August. It was great. Didn't sleep in it. It looked pretty good. I laid down in it for a while and cried. I don't go home very often.
Me: I was gonna say I was jealous of Europe because the countries are small enough to where you can take a train and see a band several times.
FT: Yeah, this country is too big, in a way.
Me: While I'm on questions about England, can you explain the usage of "bare" and "safe" to me?
FT: Safe? Oh I use the word safe a lot. Oh that's safe man. That's a London thing, safe world.
Me: There was a guy I used to talk to (MC Prodez, for those of you who remember) who spoke in a constant stream of slang I did not understand like that, and it was brought back up for me when I saw a comment on one of your videos that read "Frank Turner is a safe lad."
FT: Hah, yeah. It's English. English slang.

Me: Will you be playing any In It For The Tank songs on this tour?
FT: Hahaha, I couldn't do justice to In IT For the Tank without having Barbs along with me, he's back in Bristol right now in the UK so not on this tour. We've been working on some new songs, one called Hot Chicks and Bacon Sandwiches that we're gonna record, it's about the good life.
Me: But not on the record that will never be released.
FT: Yeah, the number one smash hit album we've never released because we're in a tank!

Me: And you play Dancing Queen occasionally.
FT: Every now and again, I'm becoming "the guy who plays Dancing Queen" you know what I mean? But it's a fun song and people sing along, and my job is entertain people. It depends on how drunk I am, if you want to play it and I say no just feed me more whiskey and I probably will.
Me: I was gonna say I think Mamma Mia is probably the most punk rock ABBA ever got, you know the "just when" part with the drums is pretty intense. Unless you wanna count Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight) sharing a title with the Black Flag song of the same name.
FT: A mash up between those two would be pretty fuckin' special.
Me: Yeah there's actually a band of Swedish Ramones fans who call themselves Gabba, and they play Ramones songs and ABBA songs at the same time.
FT: Some people have too much time on their hands.

Me: Are you still playing Vatican Broadside?
FT: Yeah. It's a fun song to sing.
Me: Is it because of an attitude you have toward Slipknot or because it's just funny?
FT: I really don't have an opinion either way on Slipknot. It's a fun song, it's Pythonesque humor, it's fun.

Me: I was gonna say something about how the song Love Ire and Song really conjured up a lot of feelings for me, like when I was in high school and punk rock was my life every single day and now I have to hold back on that because I can't justify it all the time. It's like you said, if you could just not compromise for one day.
FT: Yeah, I think the world looks more black and white when you're younger and then the experience of learning that everything is essentially round edges is common.
Me: And then on the other side you have Back in the Day which is also part of the experience.
FT: I wanted it to be kind of like a love song to the music that I grew up with, you know.

Me: Yeah. So for the video for The Road you played 24 shows in 24 hours, how strenuous was that?
FT: Yeah I did, it was in fact the worst idea I've ever had in my whole life. Actually it was fun, it came out with a really good video so I was pleased with it, but it was no fun, at all.
Me: I can imagine that got a little tiring, hands probably hurt pretty bad.
FT: It got really tiring toward the end of it.

Me: I saw recently Geoff Rickly from Thursday did an interview with you and we totally have the same favorite Propagandhi album.
FT: Hah, good stuff yeah. Today's Empires is the best one.
Me: Their last two have been like essays set to music, and they're really good essays and good music, but-
FT: Yeah that's the one where it all really came together though.
Me: Yeah, the title song from that is probably my favorite song by them.
FT: yeah, it's a great tune.

Me: I heard you on the Mike Davies BBC Punk Radio Show a while ago, on the second half of it where the first half was AFI, one of my favorite bands. You told a joke about a certain relative of the horse and if you could tell that again?
FT: About what?
Me: A relative of the horse, it's black and white, it has stripes.
FT: I'm sorry I don't remember.
Me: Aw, what's black and white and eats like a horse?
FT: Oh! A zebra! (pronounced Zeh-bruh. He's British.)
Me: There was a spasm of delight from the girl section, they like it when British people say things differently.
FT: Haha, yeah, well I spent a lot of time working on saying vitamin (vit-uh-min with a short i at the front) when I was writing a song, because (affects a very posh British accent) that's how it's prononced!

Me: In that same Geoff Rickly one I think he asked you about the accent and where that's gotten you even if they don't like your music.
FT: Americans love English accents. Hey my next interview is calling me so one more question and we'll wrap it up alright?

Me: Alright well, the only thing I have that I haven't asked is who is Isabel?
FT: Isabel is my misses. She's my better half should we say. You know, I'm away from her a lot so I thought I would write her a song and tell her how I feel.
Me: Alright. Thank you, Frank Turner!
FT: Awesome, thank you and I'll see you at One Eyed Jack's!

Tim interviews Dick Valentine of Electric Six

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:17:10 GMT

Today I got to talk to Rock God Man Dick Valentine of the Godly Manly Rock group Electric Six, and it was a lot of fun. Watch again as yet another musician remarks upon my uncanny ability to turn long rambling statements into questions!

Dick Valentine: Hello.
Me: Hello! Dick Valentine!
DV: Hey, how ya doin'?
Me: This is Tim from Tigerweekly
DV: Hey, it's nice to talk to you today.
Me: Thank you. So you're in Florida right now?
DV: Yeah we're approaching Tallahassee, getting mentally prepared to do that.
Me: I found a video of you guys playing a show in Baton Rouge in 07 and before you play Synthesizer you said you were never gonna play a New Orleans show again because Baton Rouge was so much better.
DV: I said that? I was uh...I was...I was on crystal meth that night.
Me: Hah, well, you're not playing New Orleans this time around right?
DV: Well I mean there's nothing like when you get to play both, it rarely happens but when you get to play Baton Rouge and New Orleans it's amazing. If for no other reason than that your drive the next day is only an hour.
Me: Well I appreciate that you play here, not a lot of bands come through.
DV: We love the Spanish Moon, it's a really great room.
Me: I have yet to go there, but I will definitely be there next Wednesday when you guys are there.
DV: Well, I think as a journalist you should be there.
Me: Well I have to be, I'm writing the article about it.
DV: THat's what I mean, I don't think you should phone this process in, I think you should follow through from beginning to end.

Me: Speaking of the live show, which songs from Kill are you playing? Because I really want Egyptian Cowboy.
DV: We are doing that.
Me: (incredibly loud and frightening) YES!
DV: We're doing about half the songs right now and we're trying to learn the other half as we go, but that is a song that we have been doing.

Me: Thank you! I think Escape From Ohio stands out to me because it sounds a lot different from the other songs, it kinda reminds me of the Hold Steady if you think that's fair.
DV: I haven't listened to them, I know who they are, if there's any similarity it's a coincidence. In the formula that is rock and roll, it is entirely possible for bands to sound like one another without ever listening to one another because rock and roll is so uh...uh, formulaic and cliche. It's not hard to do.
Me: When I was listening to all the records again for this it reminded me of Bang Camaro and I thought maybe you didn't know about them but apparently you have played with them before and that was probably awesome.
DV: Yeah we did a whole tour with them. And I do believe that was a big influence in shaping the sound of this record.

Me: In the description on the website for the video for Down At McDonnellzzzz you say something about the McDonald's on Jefferson avenue, what is the story about that McDonald's?
DV: I just think it's kind of the ultimate hip-hop McDonald's where all chaos can break loose like late at night, you know you have a lot of people goin through the drive thru, lot of people hanging out in the McDonald's, the McDonald's itself becomes the nucleus of hip-hop. It moves from Staten Island to the McDonald's.
Me: From the Wu-Tang Clan to McDonald's.
DV: That's right. Dog.

Me: You appear on Fox News' Red Eye, I don't know how regularly, but it's really strange to me that they pick up all these really cool musicians like you and Andrew WK and Oderus from GWAR and renowned insane music critic Mark Prindle. How did that happen?
DV: Greg is just, that's, one of the most unique things about the show is that his interests go a bit further than a lot of other people, for instance like Jimmy Kimmel, they have talent bookers and stuff and they're just trying to maximize their ratings and get in good with the major labels and stuff, where Greg is given free reign cause he's on at 3am to pretty much bring on any musician that he likes. So it's been really good for bands at our level that are on independent labels and don't have the publicity machine that a lot of these other bands do, so in that respect it's a unique show.
Me: I think I read somewhere that you said Sean Hannity's makeup case is made of titanium?
DV: Yeah it was sittin right there the first time I was on, it's pretty surreal, I guess I'm a little used to it now cause I've been there three times but it's a little surreal to know that you're in the beehive of Fox News and like a room away from Glenn Beck at that very moment.

Me: In one of your Red Eye appearances you said that Gay Bar came from mishearing Girl U Want by DEVO, are there any other songs that came from misheard lyrics?
DV: Um, probably, I can't think of any right now but that is a very common way of generating ideas, it's one of the benefits of having tinnitis.
Me: Keep the earplugs in!
DV: I'm sorry I can't hear you.

Me: Electric Six recently had three songs come out on Rock Band and I've been asking people about how they feel about having their songs on Rock Band.
DV: Well I'm not really familiar with Rock Band, I've never played it, and off the top of my head I couldn't tell you what it is, but I do know that it seems to be a big deal with a certain number of people and that's all I care about, is becoming a big deal with huge groups of people.
Me: I thought it might be from two of the guys in Bang Camaro work for Harmonix.
DV: It wasn't directly through them, but I think someone who knew them was at the show thought it was awesome that we played with them and it went from there, but it never came up directly through them.

Me: So, the video for Body Shot. It's a very interesting video you've made there.
DV: Oh yeah, it is interesting, I agree.
Me: How was that experience for you?
DV: In terms of the actual shoot it was one of the easiest and less involved shoots that I've been on, and I thought from doing the Gay Bar video and the Danger! High Voltage! video there were a lot more weird moments on the set, as opposed to the set for this one. But the finished product for this one, to you the viewer it looks a lot more crazy, but it's all green screen stuff. It was a lot weirder, doing a lot of the stand-in work on Gay Bar and doing all the costume changes and stuff but I guess the weirdest part of this shoot was being in a pile of naked women, which isn't that embarrassing.
Me: I think the part where the nipples turn into your face is my favorite moment.
DV: Oh well uh, to each their own. I like when it goes into the voodoo, I've been recently getting into voodoo.

Me: We have a whole voodoo festival, in new orleans this weekend.
DV: This weekend is the voodoo festival? Will you be my date?
Me: Yes.
DV: Oh great, me and you man, I'll fly down.
Me: It works out perfectly because I talked to the accordionist for the Pogues and he put me on the guest list so we're gettin' in free!
DV: Oh that's great! That's really cool how that works out!
Me: I'm awes-, it's awesome that we could have this date. Also I started that sentence by saying I'm awesome, but that was not in fact an error, I intended to say that.
DV: That's really good. I was supposed to be on the guest list for a Pogues show once but they forgot to put my name on the list.
Me: That's happened to me before.
DV: I'll try to wing on down and do some voodoo with you. I'll buy you a voodoo beignet!
Me: That sounds like, beignets are normally tasty and delicious but that sounds like it might be evil or blood-filled.

DV: Another new spin on the beignet. You're originally from Mississippi?
Me: Yes. (the fact that he has divined this without anyone telling him dawns on me) HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!?
DV: Your telephone, gave you away. What town are you from?
Me: Ocean Springs.
DV: Never been there.
Me: It's near Biloxi, or Gulfport.
DV: Oh yeah I know, Trent Lott territory isn't it?
Me: Yeah.
DV: Oh he's a good man.
Me: Yes, very good, goood man.
DV: Incredibly good. Continue with the interview!

Me: On Kill you try a lot of new things, but it always works, like you adhere to the basis of Electric Six but the new elements you introduce always make things better and-
DV: Is this going to be a question?
Me: It's more of a long rambling statement that I'm going to finish with an increase in pitch so it sounds like I asked you something.
DV: Oh okay, I agree then. We always throw things up against the wall and work with what sticks, and even some of the stuff that doesn't stick and is sorta sliding down gently, that works as well.
Me: What's the song on Flashy, I think it might be about someone who's in love with a robot assassin?
DV: I don't think any of the songs are explicitly about that, are you talking about Lovers Beware maybe?
Me: Yeah.
DV: No that's just about an office romance, but I understand where you're goin with that.
Me: Well there's the line about how he exhausts human resources and I thought it might be killing people, but I guess it's being an office worker.
DV: Yeah, there's nothin' to deep in that song.

Me: In a minor coincidence, you have a song on Kill called My Idea of Fun, and so did the most recent Stooges album, and you are both from Detroit.
DV: Yeah, Mark Prindle told me that, I met Mark Prindle to give him a copy of Kill and he told me that and I hadn't heard the Stooges album and I didn't know there was a song called that, but yeah, I guess we are technically both from Detroit, and then I told him that we're also both from Michigan and he just kinda shrugged and walked away. That was my experience with that.
Me: Mark Prindle is probably the reason I listen to Electric Six, so thank him and thank you.
DV: Oh he's been very favorable towards us. Apparently he's been receiving death threats from Attack! Attack! fans for something he wrote or said about them. But he's a nice guy.
Me: Attack! Attack!'s drummer recently quit and they said they're not gonna replace him, they're just gonna get a drum machine or maybe an iPod that plays his tracks or something.
DV: I think that's the way you have to go if you're in Attack! Attack!
Me: Yeah, between practicing intense squats and synchronized headbanging.

DV: That's right. Dog. We're pulling in a rest area here and I gotta go drain the snake.
Me: Alright, well thank you. Enjoy draining your snake.
DV: Thanks man.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:39:41 GMT

I don't know why I feel it's necessary to write about this, seeing as how I think the people that read this are a very intelligent bunch, but dear god does it bother me. If you've seen any sort of news reporting on the current net neutrality debate, you've probably seen any one of several republican congressmen talking about it saying things like:

"This would destroy this model of service that consumers have come to expect, that already works and works well" - Rep. Phil Gingrey R-GA

When you hear these things, you'd think they are in favor of net neutrality, which is the current way the internet works where everything is accessed at an equal speed and no websites come at premiums or work better than others because of ISPs. But what they are actually arguing for is the opposite, and trying to create a business model where companies must pay ISPs for priority service, thus actually REMOVING the freedom and equality of the internet but also turning it into a monstrously profitable service for telecom companies.

The big problem I have here isn't how dumb removing net neutrality would be(very), but how the Republican tactic here is to say that Freedom on the internet is the freedom of companies to decide what you're allowed to look at on the internet through financial barriers. The information you will be allowed to access will be controlled by who can afford to pay the telecoms. Things like Wikipedia which are entirely nonprofit and donation funded? Sorry. Webcomics artists or independent bloggers? Gonna have to get "real" jobs.

And it's all made worse by how the entire Congress is a bunch of old people, which brings me to how JOHN OLD ASS MCCAIN is writing the bill that might change the Net Neutrality rules. The dude doesn't know how to use email, AND he receives more money from telecommunications companies THAN EVERY OTHER SENATOR. And the icing is that it's called THE INTERNET FREEDOM ACT OF 2009. Yeesh.

Tim interviews Jello Biafra(!!!!!!!)

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:56:54 GMT

Alright so today I talked to Jello for about half an hour and it was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be, just kinda awkward because I didn't have a lot of questions, and more of statements that I expected comments on. I will not ever be releasing the actual recording to you because there are parts that are really really embarassing to listen to, however I can assure that this transcript is absolutely verbatim and uncut. We had a great Stooges nerd out.

Me: Hello Jello, this is Tim from Tigerweekly, George told me to call you at this number and start talking-
Jello: Hello?
Me: Hello Jello.
Jello: Are you recording?
Me: Yes I am.
Jello: Okay good

Me: So what made you want to play Voodoo Fest?
Jello: They asked and we accepted! I guess we're a last minute replacement for The Eagles Of Death Metal. It's gonna be strange navigating one of these big corporate festivals, but at least I'll remind a few people that I'm alive and introduce a good, good, goodly chunk of people to the new band.
Me: Well outside of the Pogues I don't think punk music is very well represented this year, it's good that you're on it.
Jello: Well go see Gogol Bordello, they may not be punk, but they're really good. They call themselves gypsy punk and it's far more gypsy than punk but it's very high energy and they really put on a good stage show.

Me: So the new album is, I think, really awesome and Ralph from Victim's Family outdid himself on the guitar work-
Jello: I'll remember to tell him that at practice today.
Me: The song that sticks out for me the most is Clean as a Thistle, because it's really just astonishing to me that all the politicans that campaign on a family values platform, lots just keep being found out that they're all scary sexual perverts or something and it never seems to stick.
Jello: Oh yeah, there was a porno star in playboy many years ago who used to work in the office of Sen. Orrin Hatch and said she'd never seen so many pierced nipples and other kink than the people who work at the Republican National Committee. Who was the latest one in Louisiana to have that happen?
Me: I don't really know, I'm not very up on politics around here, I live in Mississippi most of the time and we just have Trent Lott saying Strom Thurmond would be a better president-
Jello: I thought he finally resigned from the senate.
Me: Yeah a long time ago I think
Jello: He only had a few months to go, I wonder why.

Me: I don't really know. I don't know if you heard about this, but Al Franken had an amendment to the Defense Appropriations bill that prevented companies from having language in their contracts that kept employees from suing them for sexual assault and 30 all male republican senators voted against it with the rest of the senate voting for it. I don't think I've ever seen an issue that clearly had a right choice and a wrong choice like that.
Jello: Well, yeah, surely you're not surprised in a way.
Me: I'm not really, but it's sad that they can do that and keep their jobs.
Jello: Well why do they do it? Because they can, and then the Bush administration took that to serious extremes, and the Obama administration isn't helping by refusing to investigate and prosecute not just for all the god damn war crimes, but for stealing two elections and for wholesale bribery.

Me: Yeah, speaking of the Bush administration, The Terror of Tiny Town is the song about Bush on here, and while he was president-
Jello: Before you finish that part of the question, are you aware of where the name Terror of Tiny Town comes from?
Me: No I am not.
Jello: It was a 1930s cowboy movie and the cast were all midgets, and I saw it before Bush invaded Iraq and it was just so parallel to the way everything went wrong in Iraq and stuff and the big evil midget villain in the black hat tried to take over everything and eventually everybody turned on him and he got blown up in a burning cabin that he tried to dynamite to kill somebody else and stuff. So on the previous spoken word album I did I have a Terror of Tiny Town thing I did, comparing it directly to the movie.
Me: While Bush was President it felt like he was so universally reviled among people I know it almost became cliche to hate him, and then on top of that it was like "wow he must be really that bad if I'm getting tired of hearing about how people hate him"
Jello: Well you live in Baton Rouge, surely if you look around the vast majority of the people there supported him.
Me: Well I uh...I guess I don't tend to associate with a lot of them.
Jello: You've gotta remember that even though less than half the country votes, that means you see people walking down the street and 1 in 4 American adults voted for that guy TWICE. Which ones were they?

Me: But would we have been so much better off with the Gores and Lieberman in the White House from the first election?
Jello: I don't know how much better off we would've been, we definitely would have been stuck in Afghanistan and possibly Iraq as well. It doesn't speak well for Gore that he chose one of the most corrupt and extreme right wing Democrats he could have found to be his vice president. Lieberman is clear off the scale nutty. He also is a huge foe of free speech when it comes to music, he held hearings blaming Marylin Manson for all the high school shootings to demand that he be blackballed.
Me: And we all know the story with you and Tipper.
Jello: Yeah, to me Lieberman is kind of the heir apparent to Tipper Gore but far more extreme, he's also tight with Pat Robertson and Jews for Jesus and as far as a zealous support of the worst excesses of Israel's current government Lieberman is clear off the scale.

Me: I bought one of your, I think it was, what's the spoken word album with a shark on the cover?
Jello: That's the first one, No More Cocoons.
Me: Yeah, I bought that one when I was 14 or 15 and there's the part about the Back In Control center, does that still exist?
Jello: I don't know if it does or not, I know that the Provo Canyon School does, and there's one or two competitors in the same area. It's basically, you sign on the dotted line and make it legally permissable to have your child kidnapped and put in a concentration camp. And the times picayune in new orleans did an expose of one of those camps in lousiana where if I recall people were getting killed. Well, it might not have been killed, but i do recall a girl getting hit with a two by four.

Me: Wow. I listened to the audio of when you appeared on Oprah with Tipper Gore, and there's one really scary moment where you're reducing her argument to one sentence, you say "if a kid shoplifts or joins a gang, it must be the music's fault" and as you say it she says "It is." And it's not really addressed, but when you hear it it's chilling to think that she...honestly believes that.
Jello: Oh yeah I mean Al Gore was no different either, he was the one who staged committee hearings in the Senate where Tipper and her society lady friends could bring on these religious right guys they said were experts about music. They testified about, oh let's see, AC/DC causes crime, and Ozzy and Judas Priest make you kill yourself and listening to Prince will lead to sexual promiscuity.

Me: I guess bringing it back to the festival, during the censorship trials for Frankenchrist, reportedly Gene Simmons tried to buy the movie rights from you?
Jello: Uhh, he called me once about making a movie about the Frankenchrist case, but it became obvious from the phone call that I would have no say in my own story so I didn't really pursue it. He suggested Billy Crystal to play me. In retrospect it might've been a pretty weird idea, who knows?
Me: Well, it may have made for an interesting movie, but I don't think Gene Simmons is happy unless it involves him, at great length.
Jello: Of course.

Me: So, Dash Rip Rock is on Alternative Tentacles, and they're from here?
Jello: Yeah, I think they put out a newer album than Hee Haw Hell, self released it.
Me: They play a lot around here and I've never really been familiar with them and I see ads for them all the time and I just found out they're from here.
Jello: Yeah they've been around for a long time and they made several earlier albums on the Mammoth label, back when that was a pretty big deal, and they were friends with Mojo Nixon and Mojo called me and asked if I could help 'em out.

Me: In preparing for this I looked over all the bands that've been on AT and you've had some part in putting out a lot of music I count among my favorites, like most of the Nomeansno discography, I love those guys, so thank you for that.
Jello: That's...more of a statement than a question, I appreciate the thought but I can't really answer that.
Me: Haha, sorry, I know they pulled it or something like that.
Jello: I guess it was because they were scared of East Bay Ray getting control of their catalog or something like that, even though that was never gonna happen.

(Note: Here comes the awesome Stooges nerd out I had with Jello Biafra)

Me: So I guess back to the new record, you said you started the band when you saw the Stooges gig for Iggy's 60th birthday party?
Jello: Yeah that kinda gave me the spark.
Me: I was really excited to know the Stooges were back together and everything, but I didn't really like the album they put out.
Jello: I still haven't heard it.
Me: Well, you look at the parts and you think "The Stooges and Mike Watt, produced by Steve Albini? GREAT!" but it turns out to not be so great.
Jello: Well I heard some of those songs live, and they weren't too bad, they weren't breaking any new ground unfortunately, but it seems like Iggy went to Ron Asheton and said "Gimme some songs that are all about 2-3 minutes long." Which meant they didn't do some of the more freeform, wild jazzy shit like Fun House or 1970. I guess they're about to start playing again as Iggy and the Stooges.
Me: Yeah with Williamson.
Jello: Yeah with James Williamson, the Raw Power guitarist.
Me: When I heard about that, I like Raw Power a lot, but it also seemed kinda weird that they'd do that, sorta like he was waiting for that to happen maybe.
Jello: I don't think so.
Me: Well I guess that is kinda cynical.
Jello: Well the cool part is, I talked to Mike Watt about this a couple days ago, they are gonna start playing some of the songs that they came up with after Raw Power that never got recorded.
Me: Oh, I thought that might be referring to Kill City, the Iggy and James Williamson record.
Jello: Some Kill City, but also Head On and the stuff you only hear on bootlegs like Metallic KO, which means they're probably doing Cock In My Pocket and also Sick of You, but Head On is one of the best Stooges songs EVER. And there's another one that's almost Fun House that I really like called She Creatures of the Hollywood Hills. And that's not in the set yet I guess, but I told Watt to keep pushing for it.
Me: One of the first articles I did for this paper was about how much I love the Stooges and want everyone else to feel the same.
Jello: There you go.

Me: So on the new album, the last song, I won't give up, it's a really long jam, but it's also very positive and not the kind of acerbic humor you usually use, and I think it's really cool like on the open letter to Obama you wrote, it's not really abrasive or mocking.
Jello: What I tried to do with that was write it in such a way that it might actually get read by somebody up high. Silly me.
Me: Oh well.
Jello: Yeah, I figured it would be better to try and concentrate on communication than my usual warped sense of humor, there's a little bit of that in I Won't Give Up. But overall it's maybe my first shot across the bow of the age of Obama where already on healthcare and Afghanistan and not going after the Bush crimes he's proving to be very very disappointing so the whole purpose of the song is "Look, we've gotta get him to make these changes ourselves and keep pushing." There was an old story going around, I've seen a couple different articles on Franklin Roosevelt who was a much bolder president than Obama has been so far, and when he first got in, a previously scorned labor union leader brought him a list of demands, and supposedly FDR say "This is all great, now make me do it!" And that's what we have to do, not sit on our ass and assume everything's all better but make Obama do the right thing. Forcing everyone to buy health insurance without a public option is just a gift to a bunch of gangsters. I mean the AFLAC goose may be all cute on TV, but companies like that are illegal in a lot of other nations that have universal health care.

Me: Right, and there's the part about how the good uprisings come in waves, and that makes me think about, it seems like the last time people really united against something and managed to afford some kind of change on the federal level was Vietnam, and may have been only because it directly affected everyone because of the draft. So the wars now aren't taken to everyone.
Jello: Yeah, I was alive and aware back then and the draft had a lot to do with it. The whole immorality and waste of the war didn't help either. But yeah, there'd be a huge surge of opposition and one great demonstration and then another and another, and yeah, we the people finally stopped the Vietnam War. Daniel Allsburg, the guy who leaked the Pentagon papers said that when he went to a huge action in DC called The Moratorium, I remember it as a kid, just a gigantic demonstration, and when it didn't seem to sway Nixon's policies on the war at all, he felt heartbroken, he said "well if this doesn't stop the war I don't know what will," and found out years later when he got his hands on some of Nixon's papers that The Moratorium scared the shit out of Nixon so much that he changed his mind about dropping a nuclear bomb on Hanoi. You never know what kind of dividends you'll ultimately gain if you keep causing trouble.
Me: It's just kind of unfortunate that the only way to really motivate everyone is if they were at risk as well.
Jello: Well Americans traditionally don't get off their ass and respond until their backs are against the wall. We didn't in World War II either but once we were dragged in we built a Navy practically overnight!

Me: Yeah, I Won't Give Up reminds me a lot of the last song on the record you did with Nomeansno, The Myth Is Real (Let's Eat),
Jello: Interesting comparison, I wouldn't have thought of that.
Me: Well, I remember the first time I heard that one, the line that goes "half of all Americans don't read books, but you're reading this," that was clever, and it was also kind of like "maybe I'm kind of an idiot."
Jello: (laughter) that wasn't quite what I was trying to imply. I was just using the cut-up, to try and move ideas around until they fit into a song. It's how William Burroughs wrote Naked Lunch. I first used it with The Man With The Dogs, cause I couldn't figure out how to make the lyrics work, and I don't think I used it again until Stars and Stripes of Corruption or definitely Power of LARD. It's been a while since. I gotta get goin' in a minute here. One more question!

Me: I was going to wrap up by thanking you for all the music you've made yourself or had a hand in getting out there.
Jello: (facetious voice) Wellll, it's a job but someone's gotta do it. I guess that's one of the reason I felt like I had to get back to rock and put the spoken word on hiatus for a while, because nobody does what I do in this day and age.
Me: Yeah, there are other spoken word performers from our kind of music, but not doing what you do.
Jello: And the music too, it sounds a certain way, has a certain thing to it. The other reason I put the spoken word on the shelf was to wait for all the dust to settle on Obama before I figure out a plan of attack. Speaking of which, did you get my last spoken word album?
Me: Which one is that?
Jello: In The Grip Of Official Treason, you oughta get that one cause it's got some Katrina stuff on it, including the packaging has some photos I took when I went to New Orleans.
Me: It's good to know that you've been there recently, when I talked to the Pogues they said they hadn't been in several years.
Jello: Well maybe they have and they just don't know it!
Me: It's entirely possible!
Jello: So anyway, send a couple of copies when the article comes out, I like to collect the print media.
Me: Alright, see you at the festival then.
Jello: Cool.
Me: Thank you.
Jello: Yeah, take care, bye bye.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 04:25:38 GMT

Dear Universe:

I suppose I've already told most people this, but I am so going to Voodoo Fest for free on The Pogues guest list. Hell yes. My job rules. I am also interviewing Jello Biafra and Why Are We Building Such A Big Ship and if I'm lucky WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER! Words cannot express how much I want to talk to William Shatner. And Jello should be pretty awesome as well, you know just as long as I don't think about how bad the lyrics on his new cd are. Which I'm getting for free from the label by the way. I know, I know, I just talk about all the awesome perks from my job, but you'll note that I make less in a week than people working minimum wage do in half a day. Thanks though Alternative Tentacles! Jesse from Blatz/The Frisk works for them, I should write him a letter about how cool he is.

And speaking of Blatz who shared the Shit Split with Filth whose song Today's Lesson was covered by AFI whose vocalist Davey Havok was featured on the song Jekyl and Hyde by The Nerve Agents whose drummer and guitar player are now in Darker My Love, I SAW DARKER MY LOVE, A PLACE TO BURY STRANGERS, AND ALL THE SAINTS TWO NIGHTS AGO. AND IT WAS FUCKING GREAT. Great great great show.

Man I could have made that connection quicker by saying Jesse was in the Frisk with Hunter who is in AFI and so on.

And because she asked, I want to squeeze Rachel exactly 12.4 times per day (it came out like that because I only keep weekly tallies) and she makes my heart sing this much ----------------------------------------.

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 06:50:21 GMT

Tim returns to das Springs!

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 00:52:44 GMT

Buh, I can't believe I ever thought I was done growing up. Time to open the brain and scale back anger production. Gotta learn to let things go all over again.

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 07:17:41 GMT

I'm going to try to pitch an all party issue of Tigerweekly for the sole purpose of interviewing Andrew WK. And I wanna meet him in person. I need to make this happen. I am deadly serious about this.

Tim interviews Victor Gischler, novelist and author of Deadpool: The Merc With A Mouth

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 05:10:24 GMT

So, I got to interview the guy who writes Deadpool and The Punisher currently! HERE IT IS!

Me: Your Punisher: Frank Castle story uses that creepy Texas Chainsaw Massacre Family device, but I think it works better because it's set in Louisiana, not Texas. Would you say there's any way that living in Baton Rouge or Louisiana in general has colored your work?

Victor Gischler: Certainly living in Louisiana made me think I should set my Punisher here. But the fact is I'm working with a chracature of what people think Louisiana is like. I do this intentionally. I think it makes for a good story, but certainly nobody should pick up my Punisher run thinking they'll get the clear, true picture of life in Louisiana.

Me: The Punisher seems like a character that's very much in line with your novels, the pulp/noiry ass-kicking style. But Deadpool is much sillier, even counting the brief moments of seriousness in Cable & Deadpool. How did you come to decide you wanted a crack at Deadpool and what makes him interesting to you?

VG: When you think of some of my novels like GUN MONKEYS and SHOTGUN OPERA you can maybe understand why I was tapped for Punisher. Tough guys doing tough things. But then when you tae a look at my later novels -- GO-GO GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE and my recently released -- you might be able to see the Deadpool connection. Absurd humor followed by sudden brutal violence. A bit of this attitude cetainly finds its way into Deadpool: Merc With a Mouth.

Me: How do you think Disney acquiring Marvel will affect the characters you work on? I know Fred Van Lente has already said that he wants to do Howard The Duck/Donald Duck. Will Deadpool have to stop being obsessed with the Olsen Twins in favor of a more suitable Disney counterpart? Bea Arthur's probably safe though right?

VG: I doubt a 4 billion dollr deal will affect me much down in the trenches. But I do have a six year old son and am thining a trip to the magic kingdom might be in order. Maybe I can get an employee discount.

Me: Why do you think it is that Deadpool makes short work of AIM and HYDRA while Captain America and Wolverine tend to have a tougher time with them?

VG: Let's face it. Captain America is a sissy boy. He's spent most of his career hiding behind a shield. He can't take a bullet or a blade in the gut like Deadpool. Of course, it helps that Deadpool has super healing powers ...

Me: Vampire A Go-Go is the first novel of yours not to have a gun on the cover. It is however the second to include Go-Go in the title. The book sounds like a satire of the "big conspiracy novel" with every element of gothic horror tossed in, and also contains a group called The Battle Jesuits who sound like they could beat the Salvation Army up pretty badly. What made you want to do a book like this? Does it have anything to do with the recent runaway success of a certain rather sophomoric vampire book?

VG: I wanted to take a playful poke at two genres at the same time. First, the horror genre ... especially vampire books. There have been so many, it seems like it's time to have a bit of fun with the genre. I also wanted to have some fun with the Dan Brown, Clive Cussler search-for-the-ancient-artifact type books. Hopefully I'm working a parody of both at the same time.

Me: I've also been told by Dr. Costello to ask about your times as a flautist in Joanie Loves Chewbacca. I don't really know what to ask there.

VG: I have NEVER been a flautist in any such band ... I played the oboe.

Me: I guess what follows are more just general comments that you can respond to if you want. In your Punisher story, the hood that Frank had in his trunk is probably the only character I've read like him that feels genuine and not like a bad caricature. Even when I read Luke Cage in Avengers or Alias or Iron Fist and he gets "street" dialog it feels really wrong, but you can portray that archetype believably.

VG: I got VERY good response from that character in house at Marvel. What this might mean for the future ... who can say?

Me: Arthur Suydam's covers for Merc With A Mouth are beyond awesome.
VG: Agreed.

Me: Who is the typed narration box in MWAM?
VG: I thought YOU knew!

Me: Can you please bring back Devil Dinosaur?
VG: No.

Me: And as a favor to a friend of mine who is Deadpool-obsessed: What do you think would be the ultimate battle for Deadpool?

VG: Deadpool vs. everyone in the known universe and an elephant.

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 03:26:46 GMT

Checking in. I'm a freelance writer for a weekly newspaper/magazine thing here in Baton Rouge now and for my first story I'm gonna try to get an interview with Victor Gischler, who's currently writing The Punisher and Deadpool. Nerd glee is barely containable.

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 03:33:21 GMT

Things that are awesome: My room is huge, it's like a two person room but with only one person in it. And that is me. I am getting a new cell phone. Midtown Comics' weekly sales. Axe now sends their gift certificates monthly instead of month and halfly. Justice League the cartoon. Having even more of my friends be at my college. Having a window AC instead of central air that I had no control over. Ben Folds.

Things that are bad: There is one toilet in the bathroom here. Everyone but me has a suite bath. It sounds like there's not much of a problem, but other people use that bathroom when theirs is tied up, which SUCKS FOR ME. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY TAKE A SHOWER IN THERE. I waited an hour to pee yesterday. It was bad.

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 21:56:54 GMT

HEY I'M LEAVING FOR COLLEGE WEDNESDAY SO IF YOU WANT YOUR STUFF BACK YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET IT

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 07:23:52 GMT

500 Days of Summer is the best movie about people ever made. It portrays exactly how relationships are, makes you feel how they do, and in a cool touch is structured like one. Joseph Gordon-Levitt should win every award for this movie. Best Actor, Venzia Trophy for Goaltending, the Nobel Prize in Chemistry, the Cy Young, all of them.

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:48:31 GMT

Dear Gamesradar,

Despite being a comics fan myself, this article: http://www.gamesradar.com/f/the-most-accurateinaccurate-comic-book-games/a-2009081110113666008/p-3

Should have just been titled "Who gives a shit? Blah blah blah."

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 05:11:41 GMT

Dear Country,

We are making absolute asses of ourselves. Our screaming angry masses yelling at our politicians about a series of reforms based only on hearsay is making us look like total idiots, and i don't know if you know this, but the rest of the world sees our news too. Bearded elderly man who asked Arlen Specter if he had ever read the Koran, I especially mean you. Reading a book corrupts someone? The audience in Missouri that booed the news of unemployment going down? Are you even listening anymore? Does anything that doesn't come to you from the white male on television of your choice register?

Please, the rest of the planet is watching,
Tim.

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 23:08:59 GMT

So I just "won" what Axe calls a Morning After Kit, which is a toothbrush, hairbrush, t-shirt, and pair of sandals. Thanks guys. I entered because I wanted more gift certificates. Great.

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 20:49:25 GMT

I've had this idea for a while but I guess I just decided to do it.

Comic books have one completely unique thing on other genres of literature YES THEY'RE LITERATURE FUCK YOU and that's the constant variation between characters from writer to writer. One of the things this leads to is that comics fans can be both fans of characters and fans of writers, which brings me to the whole point of why I'm writing this. I bet that if I was a fan of the X-Men previously, I would have hated my favorite comic author ever Grant Morrison's turn on X-Men.

The following contains spoilers but I knew the major twist of the series before I even started it and it was still awesome:

In New X-Men, Morrison kills Magneto and everyone on Genosha at the very beginning by having Prof. X's unborn female twin who he killed in the womb to survive sic Sentinels on it. Big move, killing Magneto in the very first issue of your run. Later, Morrison introduces a character called Xorn, a chinese mutant who has a star inside his head and is a healer and zen teacher. At the Academy, Xorn teachers the "loser class" of the outcast mutants who don't really have particularly useful powers. And then at the end, Xorn is Magneto. When I read it made me kind of mad but in retrospect it actually makes a good bit of sense, Magneto did run the school for a while and of course he'd teach the outcast kids because those'd be the ones he could mold into servants. Anyway, Magneto starts rounding up and killing humans but eventually The Stepford Cuckoos (psychic little girls who all look like mini-Emma Frosts who were honestly my favorite characters in the whole thing) argue to Magneto that killing all the humans is retarded and they knock the hell out of Magneto and make him look like a little bitch who's addicted to drugs in the process. AND THEN THE LAST FOUR ISSUES TAKE PLACE LIKE 1000 YEARS IN THE FUTURE WHERE BEAST IS THE KING OF PLANET AND WOLVERINE, TOM SKYLARK (star of the book Sentinel, the Iron Giant of Marvel)AND HIS SENTINEL, THE CUCKOOS, AND NO-GIRL WHO IS A BRAIN IN A JAR ARE THE ONLY OTHER PEOPLE ALIVE. WOLVERINE AND TOM MANAGE TO FIND JEAN GRAY'S BODY WHO THEN WAKES UP AND TURNS INTO THE PHOENIX AND REACHES BACK IN TIME TO CONVINCE CYCLOPS AND EMMA FROST TO RE-OPEN THE ACADEMY AFTER THEY CLOSED IT DUE TO A PR DISASTER AND MAKE OUT.

I can imagine that a lot of people probably hated it, and then it got worse when the next guy on X-Men decided that there WAS a real Xorn and Magneto was actually somewhere else the whole time I don't know it doesn't make any fucking sense but keep in mind that part was written by the guy who came up with the infamous "Make Nightcrawler the Pope and then evil cultists give people communion wafers that kill them all on the same day to cause the Rapture EVEN THOUGH CATHOLICS DON'T BELIEVE IN THE RAPTURE" plot.

But the thing is that I personally LOVED it, because I didn't read it as THE X-MEN by Grant Morrison, I read it as The X-Men BY GRANT MORRISON, and I imagine that reading from the writer's side rather than the characters makes it much different. It has what I've come to know as his hallmarks which include but are not limited to:

1. A minor character with a Scottish accent (in this it was a young female mutant, I forget her name, probably Banshee's daughter or something, see also: Mirror Master in all of his DC books.)
2. Insane narrative shift (1000 YEARS IN THE FUTURE. Other examples: Doom Patrol enters the world where all famous paintings exist together, Final Crisis where Superman leaves in the middle to go find a cure for Lois Lane's disease and meets every other Superman INCLUDING DR. FUCKING MANHATTAN)
3. Exaggerated character neutering (Wolverine does almost nothing, Magneto is a sissy who relies on a power-enhancing drug to do anything)

This is already sort of rambly and meandering, but the real point here is that thing I mentioned before, the author fan/character fan split. I think Grant had a totally unique run that could have presented some awesome set-ups for future X-Men stories had Marvel not retconned essentially the entire thing by making Xorn real and then making ANOTHER Xorn and then doing House of M and re-killing all the mutants again. I think the main issue was the Character Derailment thing with Magneto who has historically been an extreme evil badass with a conscience, but I think his depiction works because Mags has to be a bit of an egomaniac to have built his own asteroid to house his cult followers and have an unwavering dedication to his ideal, so when he stops being able to do that, he becomes a sniveling little baby. Works for me.

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 07:29:05 GMT

Today Dylan and Daniel and me pulled out Marvel Ultimate Alliance on a lark. The game gives you that real feeling of being awesomely powerful, especially since Dylan's playing the fucking Hulk and pulled an 11 thousand experience chain. I love my DPS Dr. Strange, even if my boy Daredevil is probably the best character in the game after the game-breaking Silver Surfer.

Oh, and remember Dethklok vs. The Goon that I posted about like 3 months ago when I found out about it? It's fucking awesome. It's like an episode of the show but with MORE murder!